Break the Rule Stay in Control - First Challenge

Control Your Tower

Welcome to your first challenge

You had enough curiosity and openness of mind to take the Rule Finder Quiz, and perhaps you’ve discovered that you’ve been following the rule, Stay in Control. Now you’re ready to explore what you can do about it.

You’re in the right place.

Humans are social creatures.

We’re designed for connection, cooperation, and collaboration. We long to have good company, for the security of a trusted and bonded tribe.

The relational part of us is ready to be authentic and vulnerable.

But humans are imperfect. None of us have been perfectly treated at all times. We’ve all experienced painful incidents of disrespect, insensitivity, neglect, threat, or even bodily harm. Early in life we learn that being open and vulnerable at the wrong place and time doesn’t always work out.

This makes following the rule Stay in Control look like a safe and wise strategy. The problem is, other humans don’t respond well to someone who is living in a control tower, trying to direct traffic from above, and avoiding grounded presence with the team. When we’re invulnerable with others we lose the quality of connection, and without it, effective leadership is just not possible.

Want to break the rule Stay in Control and improve your leadership?

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Here’s the Challenge

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Control your tower

This simple challenge for breaking the rule Stay in Control will help you move past your need for control and restore your natural influence. As an exercise in self-awareness it will shift the focus from what others are doing, to taking control of your own tower.

Pull out your favorite writing tool to engage this quick exercise.

You’re going to complete three open-ended statements about the personal and professional relationships in your life.

The statement prompts are:

• Three people in my life I wish I had more control over are . . .

• The ways I currently attempt to control them are . . .

• One thing I could do with each of these people to foster connection would be . . .

Give yourself the time and space to go into as much detail as you wish in answering each of these.

There is no right response in terms of length, content, or clarity. Simply let yourself explore the exercise and record what arises. This is just for you to develop more awareness of where the control dynamic shows up in your relationships, and begin to consider actions you could initiate that would soften it.

Just explore what’s there for you.

If you’re reading this on the go and want to work with the challenge later, just use the share button to send a copy of the challenge to your own email address.

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Want more challenges like this?

If you enjoyed this first challenge and you’d like to see a few more sample challenges for breaking the rule Stay in Control and finding your own path to natural leadership—just click the button below.

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Welcome again, and if I can be of any help, please let me know by replying to your welcome email or any other email sent to you from Break a Rule.

Rick Lewis
Professional Misbehaver &
Break a Rule Founder